BE the LIGHT

The truth is that victories in life can be few and far betweeen. And while they're far between, we must celebrate the little ones we do get, when they pop up. This is something I've had to learn to do. It's become a mindset, that I've connected to being grateful.

We've been going "through it" for months! Not one victory. Nothing. I've encountered obstacles posing as tiny hills and monsterous mountains... again and again. It's been emotionally exhausting, but I was determined to keep moving FORWARD. To find and see any positive I could and hang out. I waited and waited. Whatever I could do... needed to be action in a forward direction. I fought to keep my sanity by not dwelling, but by moving in the opposite direction of the negative... FORWARDS.

Now let me tiimeline these mountains for you;

• Dave lost his job (laid off - May) - I feel sadness

• I lost my job (contract not extended - May) - this broke me

• The dishwasher broke (June) - I feel defeated

• My parents (who we see maybe twice a year - July) came to visit and my dad got really sick, two calls to ambulance and one visit to the ER - I feel sad and helpless

• I began the tedious process of applying for professional ceritfication and accreditation and kept hitting a wall (declined because I fell through the crack sof the legislation (July - ongoing) - I feel exhausted and worthless

• I discovered that my tooth pain required having it pulled (July) - I feel nothing

• ... yet I moved forward...

• I applied for two jobs (August) and was rejected because we didn't want to move and they didn't want to have me work remotely... - I feel defeated

• I apply for EI... two months after I was eligible and didn't know it - I feel horrible

• Paperwork I needed for substitute teaching contract was delayed (August)

• I received my pension pay-out, from end of contract, and my EI is suspended (August) - I feel embarrassed

• We found mice in the house! (September) We caught 8. - I feel dirty and exhausted

• Dishwasher is delayed... and still not here as I type this. - I feel indifferent

• I continued to have meetings about my certification... and got more "no's" (September) - I feel anxious

And then last week (October), the phone rang. I got my first WIN. A rock was lifted from my chest. I could breathe again, freely. I was awarded substitute teaching contract. A contract I had previously held for three years, but had to fight for this year due to policy change. I cried. But beyond crying, I celebrated! I praised! And I THANKED. I shared my joy.

WHY?

I celebrated because I needed this little victory to last... to spread and to be felt on a deep level. It was like a lifeline to my the part of brain that was feeling sadness, exhaustion, anxiousness, defeated and worthless. I've learned that spreading joy, keeps the negative shit at bay. I learned this lesson fighting Tase's cancer. I hold tight to moving forward and believing in the victories.

So I spread my joy. Celebrated and shared my victory. Don't just chase the light... BE THE LIGHT!

Whatever obstacle you are facing, I feel you. I stand beside you and I encourage you to keep going. Rehearse the "Gratefulness Exercise" I've shared earlier this month. Celebrate what you can and where you can! Be the light, spread the light.

P.S.

I won an online contest the next day. Free tickets to a play... once you start winning... you start believing. I believe in you!