Playing NOT to lose...

Fear based decision making are any decisions we make while in a state of fear. In sport, this is often referred to as, "playing NOT to lose". Our brain begins making decisions out of fear, and as a result we make bad decisions. We play tight. We hold back, we lose our flow and we stop taking competitive risks. We operate in a state of flight or fight. Our choices become influenced by our emotional brain centers(amygdala), rather than the logical, rational calm centers of the brain(prefrontal and frontal cortexes). We are no loner able to analyze situations and just "play" or "react". We are unable to see both the big and small pictures and our adrenaline and fight response guide our choices for better or worse. Fear based decision making is not productive or effective and it usually costs us.

So how do we break the cycle? How do we reboot our internal systems to ignore the fight or flight and jolt our brain back into good decision making?

Good decision making, takes practice. With over 20 years experience in female, high performance sport, I want to share with you what I've studied, practiced and know about this process. For female athletes, emotions are our super power. They are the product of our inner goals, ambitions and desires. Once we better understand WHY we're reacting and the WAY we are reacting, we are able to make better choices in the heat of the moment or competition and in the future.

The A-R-T of handling a situation;

1. Acknowledge and label the emotion(s) you are felt and experienced.

2. Reflect and ask yourself WHY you felt what you did, when you did. Find your root of your motivation for attempting. What is your WHY?

3. Take Time to re-play the experience/process for next time. What do want to say to yourself or someone else when presented in a similar situation? Focusing on your root goal.

INTO PRACTICE...

My oldest son (13), has been competing in racquetball for two years. He's very good. This year, when the performance gap between himself and his teammates decreased, his in game anxiety increased. Instead of winning handely, the scoring gap became tighter, winning by 2 or 3, versus the 6-7 the previous year. In one particular match, he was completely overwhelmed with emotion and completely shut down and lost. I immeduately recognized what was happening, but could do very little in that moment. His body language shifted; slumped shoulders, negative gestures and grunts. He played scared and defeated before the match was done. He gave energy to ever missed shot, instead of focusing on the next point or shot at hand. He left the court in tears and didn't know "WHY". Later that night, we had a conversation using the ART principle.

Me: Hayden, what happened today? You completely shut down and gave up.

Him: I don't know. I feel overwhelmed by it. Everything. I just couldn't pull myself back together. I couldn't relax, I couldn't do anything, I was just rushing

Me: Why do you think that?

Him: It was a new opponent, the crowd was watching me fail and it was not a great feeling, I was embarrassed.

Me: Why did the crowd matter? Embarrassed about what?

Him: Being down by so much. The crowd matters because I don't want look like an idiot, and I want to show people that I'm really good at it.

Me: If you lose a game, does that mean you're not good at racquetball?

Him: No, it means that I was overwhelmed and couldn't process.

Me: It actually just means that you didn't win that game and that you gained expereince with that type of pressure and have learned what your performance default settings are. If you could go back in time, or do it again. What would you do differently?

Him: I would probably take my time, not rush my time-outs or break between games... focus on hitting one shot that I know my opponent can't hit, or a shot that puts him in a tricky position.

Me: What are somethings you could SAY to yourself next time?

Him: "Deep Breathe", "I'm okay", "Move your feet", "racquet up", "track the ball", "get to center", "take it off the back wall"

MORE...

Me: What were thinking about when you were down?

Him: It was just a blur. I was anxious to hit the ball, so I was just hitting any shot and not hitting a good shot.

Me: Were you making decisions based upon your feelings or thoughts?

Him: Feelings.

Me: Were you operating out of fear(of losing) or confidence?

Him: Fear.

Me: Did that work?

Him: No.

Me: What, if anything, did you say to yourself , when you were spiralling and scared?

Him: Things like; "why?", "that was a garbage shot", "why'd you hit that?"

Me: Did that help?

Him: No

Me: What could you do differently next time>

Him: Not look at the negative, look at the positive. I would try to say positive things to myself.

Me: How?bLike what?

Him: Instead, of saying that's a bad shot, or that shot was awful, I'd tell myself, at least I hit it. Or give myself simple positive reminders like "move your feet", "put it to where he isn't going" "listen to your coach", or call a timeout.

Me: What could you say that comes from a place of confidence?

Him: "I can do this", "you've been down before"

Me: On a scale of 1-10, 1 being very little and 10 being a lot. How much control did you have over your emotions in that moment?

Him: 3

Me: What's your plan for switching the gear in your head next time?

Him: Step away from the moment and call a timeout. Ask for feedback from coach. Listen to what cues you are being given... and repeat the cues in my head as I go back onto the court.

Me: Those are great solutions and options for next time. I would add something like a big exhale... to cause a physiological shift in your breathing as well.

I have lived through converstations like these over and over again. Team sport, individual sport and with friends. We are all trying to perform to the best of our abilities in all aspects of our lives; sport, work, relationships.

Never underestimate the power of a good conversation. Reduce the fear and internal conflict by having a conversation. Work through the ART. Being vulnerable with ourselves or another trusted human, creates a psychologically safe place for us to explore our goals and make plans to achieving new behaviours moving forward. When another human being vaidates our personal experience, we reduce the emotional load we are carrying internally and are better able to enter into a problem solving/planning phase.

In order to conquer or control our emotions, we have to accept, embrace and log our experience into our internal database.

Need help working through a problem/conflict/performance? Call me!

Love you, bye.