Nobody died...

Except, six did. For our family 2019-2022 was a mental and emotional workout of mass proportion. Like many throughtout the pandemic, we lost loved ones. None of ours were lost to covid.... it was the other C word that took ours. Cancer.

I remember the day. Dave, the kids and I had just finished a wonderful day in the city. Shopping, eating and enjoying the break from the everyday grind. It was warm and sunny. Ten kilometeres outside our return home and we made the phonecall, we;ve made a thousand times. "Naan, can we stop to pee? Kids can't hold it." Hayden 9, Avery 7 and Baylor 4 were desperate. We pulled into her short driveway and instead of having the garage door open, Naan stood on the step with a large smile and shooed the kids in for the bathroom. After asking us about our trip, she handed me a letter.

Time stood still. Mass. Stage 3. Cancer. I looked up from the page and met her gaze, and in an instant, that lasted less than a second, my world was thrust off of it's axis. I saw the fear in her eyes and heard the lump on her throat. I took a deep breathe, threw every emotional and thought of my own down into a box in the deepest part of my soul and broke the silence between us. "Ok, we will handle this. Everything will be okay." I willed myself, my words and my eyes to convinvce her that her diagnosis was minor. Curable. No big deal. Nothing we can't handle and overcome. We will beat this.

The rest of that evening is a blurr. Watching my kids bounce back into the truck re-telling the stories of their day to Naan. Watching my husband unload our Costco haul in a daze. Myself, performing all my usual duties and roles as mom, for my family, internally struggling to digest the new reality that was pounding at our door, forcing itself in. Cancer changes everything. Every dynamic, relationship, daily schedule and daily thought. It brings on new worries, jobs, tasks and stressors. A new reality.

For my sixty-eight year old, widowed, mother-in-law it was more than she should ever have been asked go through. She was a saint! Growing up her kids lovingly and in jest, nicknamed her "Tase", short for Mother Theresa. She lived a life where she gave whatever she had, whenever she had it, without pause. To this day, she is the only human being I have ever met who kept every secret she was ever told. She didn't gossip. She didn't judge and she always listened. When you were with Tase, you felt heard, valued and loved unconditionally. Naan, went to be with Jesus March 5, 2022.

Two days later, around 10:00pm, I made my way down to the kitchen to grab my vitamins and a moment to myself. The days had been heavy and my eyes and heart were so very, very sore. I leaned back and took a sip of water, my eyes looking up to Jesus for comfort... when the ceiling fixture caught my eye. It was full of... water! Fuck me.

I took two giant deep breathes, and hung my head. I had no emotion or reaction left to give. No more tears. Just emptiness. There was nothing in me beyond logical thought; go tell Dave. I slowly walked back upstairs, understood the imminent danger of water mixing with electricity, thanked God there was no fire and woke up Dave. This was it. This was the EXACT moment that birthed a key phrase that would shape our famiy's mental attitude going forward. A phrase we continue to use daily when faced with setbacks, problems, disappointments and failures. "Nobody died." We use it to ground ourselves in a perspective that frames the truth about life; there is no greater loss, than that of someone you love. Everything else, can be fixed.

By September of 2022; (Hayden 11, Avery 9, Baylor 6) our family had lost:

Richard, family friend and brother in Christ to cancer.

Ed & Lynn, our pastors, home study group and adoptive grandparents. Ed passed and Lynn moved away to be close to her children.

Tony & Linda, our neighbours, home study group and Dave's daily walking partner passed from heart attack and MS.

Kaj - My sister's husband, Kaj to cancer, who live in Southern USA.

Life is a gift. I didn't have a choice about when I would teach my children about death or cancer or heart attacks. They had front row seats with VIP passes. They knew death was real, life is short and life after death was messy and work! Baylor was four years old and already understood that sometimes you have to say goodbye to someone you love. We taught our kids that "making memories" was the greatest joy of life and that if nobody died today and we weren't planning a funeral or packing up someone's house... then it was a good day.

I don't know what challenge you're facing, but mindset is so important. If the sun has risen, your immediate needs of food, safety and housing have been met... and nobody has died...then YOU CAN DO THIS! You can climb your mountain. Make your memories.

One day. One moment. One decision at a time. Take a deep breathe and tell yourself... nobody has died, you can handle it.